I had the great opportunity of speaking to the Terrence Higgins Trust and give a little bit of insight into my story and what its like being HIV Positive as a heterosexual male. About stigmas, toxic masculinity and of course, sex...
My mind was plunged into chaos - questioning everything. Every decision, every choice I had to make overwhelmed me. When working on portraits or on fashion shoots, I failed to direct. I couldn’t helm the situation. I couldn’t instruct people. My mind was in a frenzied mess – which was reflected in my lack of confidence. I doubted everything – especially my ability to make decisions.
It's my "annHIVersary". It has been 5 years that I was diagnosed with HIV. 5 long, dark, fun, exciting and challenging years that had given me insight into things I had never thought possible. Today I reflect - and notice how far I have come. I still can't believe that all of this happened. That I passed through this journey. This adventure. Damn. Maybe I should start considering a book..?
The long read - unpublished in the english version, and previously published on http://www.lvstprinzip.de in german.
The story of the transformative journey HIV had sent me on. From suffering a sexual trauma, to becoming an angry, incel-like creature... to the best of friendships and unforeseen revelations.